Hello all!
If you’ve been reading Ethigirl for awhile, or if you know me in real life, you probably know that I regularly struggle with my mental health and that burnout — more specifically, activist burnout — has played a huge role in my life.
Most of the time, it feels like I’m constantly surrounded and, frankly, suffocated by the issues which plague our world. In high school, I had a healthier work-life balance along with outlets like sports and art… but in university, the constant whirlwind of assignments and extracurriculars and pressure and struggle to succeed truly got to me, and I lost all of that.
Everything in my life orbited around its focal point: trying desperately, but always feeling like I was failing, to fix the problems of the world. And the worst of it all is that every problem was is so intertwined and entangled. You approach something as simple as single use plastics and are surrounded and caught inside and unable to escape the grips of capitalism and colonialism and environmentalism as an intersectional issue of social justice that affects some of the world’s most vulnerable people and species who have been oppressed and undercut for centuries.
Simply put, it’s difficult to approach an issue, to implement a solution, to see positive results, and to accept them for what they are without feeling defeated by what is left to do or what you cannot accomplish with what you’ve put in place. You’re always missing some component, or you can’t scale. And this tireless work — this chasing after some goal which is damn near impossible to reach — coupled with that constant discouragement breeds one thing alone: burnout.
I often feel that way with fashion, too. I fell in love with sustainable fashion because of how beautiful it is as a solution: sustainably-made clothes are better quality, more unique, and more exciting to wear. I thought that focusing on fashion would allow me to stay positive. It was fun and exciting. And although I certainly still often feel this way, there are some times when I don’t.
This past summer and fall, everything came to a halt: I just didn’t know how I could do it anymore. So I took a break from Ethigirl. I took a break from, well…everything. I was forced to leave a social action-oriented university extracurricular to which I’d probably dedicated hundreds of hours over the past couple of years. I dialed back entirely, leaving me to figure out who I was without activism and advocacy.
It was really scary. I came to terms with the fact that who you are isn’t based on what you do. You can do many, many wonderful things for the world and still hurt the people around you because you’re bad at keeping in touch, you hold grudges for too long, or you never properly learned how to resolve conflict. I learned that we are nothing without the people around us: being surrounded with those who make us feel whole are, well, what make us whole. And we need to take the time to genuinely and deeply foster those relationships for all that they are worth.
At some point during all of this self-learning, I revisited something many people had told me when I was in some of my hardest times: you really need to pick up a hobby. Something completed detached from activism. And that’s when I started getting into cooking. Though I had been meal prepping sporadically for about a year, I’d never put a lot of serious thought into it — probably because I was always so preoccupied with everything else I had on the go.
Vegetarian ramen with green onions, sesame seeds, and a ramen egg
But over this past summer and fall, thanks to the influence of Tyler (my boyfriend), I really started getting into cooking videos on YouTube. Big shout out to Bon Appetit in particular. And then, I started replicating what I saw. I started getting excited about buying my groceries every week. I wanted to learn every tip that I could. Every Sunday, I’d set aside (and still do) about four or five hours to prepare all of my meals for the week ahead. Tyler often helps me cook, and although sometimes he’s just as excited about the food as I am and takes over a little too much, I love having him around during the process.
Cooking has become a true form of self care for me: and not even just in the sense of having nutritious, prepared meals to eat for the week ahead (although that’s also a huge plus), but also because it’s an art form. When I am simply chopping up and simmering veggies for a delicious meal, I get so psyched about the process. It’s very reminiscent of my high school days, when I was doing watercolour paintings on the regular.
Tomato soup with parmesan and microgreens
It has helped me to relearn the simple art of creating something for myself that is just intrinsically good. I am not cooking to support any political or social cause. It’s something entirely detached from every other issue I have going on in my life, and I can just focus on it for those five Sunday afternoon hours while I play music, let some sauce bubble on the stove, and just allow myself to breathe for a minute.
Sick-day vegetarian curry with green onions and sesame seeds
About four months later, I feel deeply healed. I am not all the way better — nor will I probably ever be. But with deeply mindful cooking as part of my lifestyle, I have learned how to take even just five hours every week to take care of myself without any other concerns. And through this process, I know with some practice I can expand that five hours into an hour, or two, or more every single day. That’s something I’m pretty excited about.
With love and sustainability,
Ethigirl
(P.s. — let me know your favourite recipes in the comments. I’m hungry.)